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04 February 2007 @ 02:05 pm

Picture it: You're sitting around reading a book, fighting enemy shinobi from a neighboring village, are in a fierce mecha battle between Coordinators and Humans, or hell, you're probably just sitting on the john when it happens. Out of nowhere the large, gaping mouth of a pink-haired girl suddenly appears and engulfs you, sending you spiraling down a seemingly bottomless chasm that eventually opens up to reveal a world you could have never imagined in your wildest dreams. You land so hard that you'll be feeling it for a couple of days. A boy and a girl -- Seichi and Tomoyo, respectively -- greet you. Other strange creatures greet you as well, such as hundred-legged cats, otter-penguins, flying octopi, multi-colored pyramids, jogging noses, etc.

Getting To Where You Want -- Or Don't Want -- To Be (aka "The Crack")

Due to the sudden influx of newcomers, Tomoyo and Seichi's home is getting a tad bit crowded. They offer you a free, one-way ticket to any one of the six regions in Guu's stomach. These regions are basically accumulations of places from other worlds, grouped together by similarity. There will never be entire places in any one region, so don't go walking into Tengger Desert and expect to find Sunagakure waiting for you.

Traveling between regions is not an easy task. One does not simply waltz across the border into another region, because the Eye of Sauron, thanks to a little Guu magic, stands guard and prevents you from doing so. Dare to cross and you will be burnt to a crisp. Relocating to another region is simply a matter of earning a puffer fish beach ball, and popping it with any sharp object of your choice to summon Agnes, the Warp Fairy. She will take you to any one of the six regions once and then return to her home in the sky.

There are three ways of acquiring Agnes, none of which are easy. In fact, the first method is almost entirely impossible: one can fish for puffer fish beach balls in the seas of Panthalassa. They are located in the stomachs of dunkleosteuses, a sea monster of ancient Earth history that will eat anything and everything in its path. The second method is getting a job and saving up enough money to purchase a puffer fish beach ball from special item shops located in each region -- however, they cost 5,000,000 zeny each. To put that into perspective, 1,000z in this world equals $1, and the minimum wage in St. Asteria alone is $5 (5,000z) an hour. Unless your character happens to have 5,000,000 zeny worth of cash in their pocket upon arrival (there are currency exchange booths in each region), then getting a hold of Agnes this way might not be feasible.

The third and easiest way of acquiring Agnes is this: painting monkeys. There is an NPC named Carl who has been gifted a magic, sparkly cape with powers of teleportation, who can be summoned by painting a monkey (painted monkeys are a secret fetish of his). The color you must paint the monkey changes once a week (a hint: refer to the most recent events calendar for clues). Paint of any color may be purchased for cheap at any special items shops located in every region, and monkeys are as abundant as pigeons and can usually be found on windowsills. Do not, under any circumstance, hurt the monkey. Once painted, Carl will appear in a poof of smoke and gift you with one puffer fish beach ball. He may only be summoned by a character once a week.

Beware: these monkeys love to bite! And, if you are bitten by one of them, you will be turned into one for 24 hours! You will be able to understand the speech of other characters, but you will not be able to talk back to them unless you find some other form of communication (writing, sign language, drawing pictures, etc). And, of course, if you are turned into a monkey, you run the risk of being captured, painted, and presented to Carl. So be careful, because you could very well wind up as fetish fodder for a very unattractive and morally questionable man.

Jobs, Events, Chance, Housing, and Shopping.

If you want to survive in this world, you will either have to be able to make do on your own, or get a job. St. Asteria has a thriving job market. Due to the rapidly growing population, business owners are in a huge rush to hire new employees. Finding work is not difficult, but finding one that pays decent enough might be a challenge. Wanted Ads will be posted NPCly to the community every now and then, so keep a lookout. You might just find the job of your dreams! (Currency is in the form of the zeny, and 1,000z is equivalent to $1. Minimum wage is roughly 5,000z an hour, give or take.)

There will be a new Event once a week. Events range from anything deranged to even more deranged, such as a day of raining popsicle sticks or Everyone Kisses Their Favorite Villain Day. In the stomach of Guu, anything can and will happen. All Events are of course optional, and you can choose whether or not you want to have your character(s) participate. They are not mandatory and you are perfectly allowed to take a seat in the bleachers and simply observe.

Once a week, the moderators will draw names out of a hat. Those chosen will be awarded with the option to draw a Chance Card (think Monopoly). If you are chosen, the moderators will comment to your most recent post with a Chance Card, and you can reply with whether or not you choose to draw a card. Chances awarded range from beneficial to hazardous, so be wary. You may wind up deaf for a day, you might be rewarded with a large lump sum of cash, you might only be able to speak backwards for a day, or you might get really lucky and receive a free puffer fish beach ball. It's all up to chance!

Housing itself is pretty simple. When you first arrive, you will be allowed to stay for free at any one of the Freeloader Houses scattered across the world. There are approximately 2-3 of these houses in each of the six regions. The owners of these Houses, depending on how crowded they are, might assign you a roommate to live with, so be prepared. The purpose of these houses is to provide newcomers shelter until they can get themselves on their feet. Other housing options are as follows:

St. Asteria: Apartments are the one and only form of housing in this big city, although some might rather live in a hotel. Apartments are abundant and there is a hotel on every street.

Tengger Desert: Pueblo buildings make up the scattered, little nameless towns in this almost vacant desert. Hotels are scarce, but the people of this desert are typically very hospitable might allow a weary traveler such as yourself take up residence with them.

Uluru Jungle: The Amazons of this thick jungle might offer you a place to stay... if they don't brutally maim you or make you a sex slave first. There are no hotels here, and whatever housing you do find are grass huts with dirt floors.

Panthalassa: If you're lucky, maybe a pirate ship will pick you up from one of the many little desert islands you'll arrive on, and allow you to stay aboard on the condition that you work for your keep. The floating restaurant owners might do the same for you. There are no hotels and no houses to speak of, just ships.

Elysian Fiellds: Medieval-style towns dot this countryside. You might get lucky and find a tavern or two, but you might have better luck walking a little further up that dirt road and staying with that kind family that owns that farm up ahead.

Zero Point: There might be a nice rock for you to lean up against, but I wouldn't push your luck.

Shopping can be done at any one of the special items shops located all over the world. There are at least half a dozen of them in each region, and you can purchase from them various odd items that will help you on your quest. You can purchase paints, puffer fish beach balls, bottles, food, water, toiletries, etc. Don't worry about money, unless your character is broke! There are currency exchange booths located not far from each and every special items shop that will exchange your world's currency for this world's currency, the zeny.

On Journals and Internet usage.

The Internet does exist in this world. It is provided by giant satellites that can be seen hovering overhead in the sky. If your character arrives with a laptop they will be able to access the Internet, or they are welcome to access the Internet via cafes that are located inside every specialty items shop in each region. However, the Internet will be extremely filtered. Think AOL's most strict parental controls times ten and you might have an idea of what surfing the net is like in this world. You will only be able to access the bare bones minimum of information, such as local weather forecasts and news reports. And, of course, you can access LiveJournal, your most important mode of communication with other people.

All Internet usage is free.

The Unluckies and Punishments.

The Unluckies are a vulture and otter duo (originally from the anime/manga One Piece) who are employed by Guu to deliver messages and punishments to her stomach's inhabitants. Their names are Mr. 13 and Miss Friday, respectively, and they cannot be injured, harmed, or killed in any way or by any means. When your character causes property damage, the Unluckies will report you to Guu and she will decide your punishment based on the severity of the damage. It's up for the moderator and culprit to decide together what kind of punishment is to be received. For instance, you might wake up the next morning as the opposite sex, you might puke toads for the next twenty-four hours, or your hair might catch on fire. It depends on the severity of the crime and what can be agreed upon as fair by the moderator and player. There things are already explained in the FAQ, but I thought that since they are important things to remember that I should post them here, too.